Digital has better ROI! Film at 11!

It positively kills me to see headlines like this one in Ad Age: "Kellogg: Digital ROI Surpasses That of TV," followed by quotes like this one from Kellogg's CMO: "It's still relatively early in our learning. But analysis of the Special K initiative of the last 18 months showed digital media exceeding that of broadcast ROI." In 2008, the ROI of TV--particularly when you consider the size of those investments--vs. digital is still worthy of discussion? Sheesh.

Need help understanding Seinfeld Microsoft spot

Man, I totally don't get this Jerry Seinfeld/Bill Gates Microsoft commercial. Please, someone, somewhere, explain to me why the action takes place in a fictitious shoe store! Explain to me what this is meant to do to improve my relationship with Microsoft! Best for me to move on. UPDATE: Here's Brian Morrissey's story at Adweek.com about the commercial, which provides this explanation: "This is the tech giant's first work from MDC's Crispin Porter + Bogusky in Miami, and it marks the kickoff to a wide-ranging $300 million campaign designed to alert consumers to innovations made possible through Microsoft's Windows operating system." Forgive me for thinking the commercial was about shoes.

Can we please ban the word "right-sizing"?

Maybe I'm not known for my empathy on this blog, but I feel so sorry for chief people officer Rose Zory at Carat, who apparently hit the uber-send key yesterday and sent documents outlining the communications plan for layoffs there to the whole company instead of just the management people who were supposed to get it. The memos and PowerPoint, in all of their awkward attempts to communicate the painful truth, were posted at Advertising Age, and reading them made me cringe, on a number of levels.
For one, it was like a bad acid flashback. My last act while at Organic in late 2000 was to manage the internal communications, and some of the external, for a layoff of 25 percent of the staff. Twenty-five percent! (Lucky me, I wasn't part of the "reduction in force", but had been hired by Ad Age anyway, and was leaving the company in a couple of weeks.) Just writing the talking points for those who would deliver the news to both the saved and the unsaved was enough to make one want to run for the nearest psychiatrist, and I had the good fortune not to send the entire communications plan to the whole company beforehand. Can you imagine what it must have felt like for Zory at the excruciating moment when she discovered she had sent the email to the whole company? And the further horror of having it posted on adage.com? This is the stuff of which nightmares are made, people.
Another thing that made reading these documents so cringe-worthy has nothing to do with the fact they leaked; it was their use of corporate jargon to explain an extremely unfortunate human event. Like most reporters, I have a disdain for jargon, and have always found the word "right-sizing" particularly offensive. True, companies sometimes have to readjust staffing to get it in line with reduced revenue, but to describe this as "right-sizing"? That's a term designed to distance whomever is saying it from the cruel realities involved. It's not "right" for employees who lose their jobs in a touch economy, nor is it "right" for the lucky people who keep their jobs, but are probably saddened by the departures of some good people and working harder than ever. Carat isn't the first company to deploy this term instead of the more accurate "down-sizing," but if I had my way, Carat would be the last to use it. Ever.

American Express touts its Members Project

American Express just posted this commercial to its "Members Project" channel on YouTube. It's basically a retrospective of clips from spots, using a lot of editing creativity, by AmEx commercial endorsers, including some footage from a spokesperson gig that Jim Henson did back in the day. It ties back into the "Members Project"—in which AmEx cardmembers suggest, and vote on, worthy initiatives to get $2.5 million in funding from American Express. Via Ogilvy.

Wish Matt Damon would speak with one voice

I'm a member of the ONE campaign—and you outta join too—but that doesn't mean I have to like this commercial, which is airing heavily during the Republican National Convention. Its intent is to show that many different voices have come together to fight global poverty, but the effect of having all of those voices coming from Matt Damon is just distracting. The first time or two I saw this ad I spent the whole time wondering why different voices were coming out of his mouth instead of fixing on what the voices were saying. Maybe they did this because the other stars involved in the campaign weren't available for a shoot.

Geico spot cemented Don LaFontaine's fame

Would any of us even have known Don LaFontaine's name had it not been for GEICO? Rest in peace, Don.

Forget "Mad Men", now Bernbach is on Twitter

At the risk of declaring that Twitter has jumped the shark, now I've gotten an invitation to follow Bill Bernbach on Twitter, in a move probably inspired by the "Mad Men" twitterers. Bernbach seems confused by Google's new browser, Chrome, and is trying out the Avis "We try harder" slogan on anyone who will listen. Seeing Bernbach on board gave me the idea that maybe I should start impersonating David Ogilvy, but somebody already thought of that, and the Twitter D.O. even claims to be having dinner with Betty and Don Draper on Thursday night. Maybe I'll be Mary Wells. Anyway, this whole Twitter impersonating thing probably has jumped the shark. While I was putting together this post, I got an invitation to follow Dr. Benjamin Spock, who is following more than 700 people but hasn't posted a damn thing.

Adverganza's Tuesday morning picks, 09.02.08

Wherein I scan the Monday and Tuesday morning headlines so you don't have to:

From Advertising Age (from what I can tell at this writing, no Labor Day print edition):

—Hungry for deals? Here's a close-up on the Wendy's dollar menu.
—Honeyshed names Stephen Greifer CEO; buzzes beyond hive. (Bee metaphor!)
—Attempt to rationalize John McCain's pick of Sarah Palin as VP nominee.
—ABC's "Pushing Daisies" lets people eat pie.

From Adweek:

—John McCain wins gold medal in the Olympics. Barack Obama does better in the overall.
—Go experience the Army, in a Philadephia mall.
—Gerri Graf hires people from Goodby, comic books.
—What Sarah Jessica Parker, Stan and Cartman, have in common.
—The CW lives, on mobile devices.
—TNS, you have until Sept. 12.
—The AARP advertises that U.S. medical care sucks.
—Lisa Colantuono and Leslie Winthrop tell you how to thrive in touch times.
—Alan Wolk opines: "The real digital revolution has nothing to do with advertising or marketing. In fact, it's the mortal enemy of both." Yikes.
—Barbara Lippert on Microsoft's new endorser: " ... the company has hired Jerry Seinfeld as its pitchman. Really? Was Michael Bolton busy?"

From Brandweek:

—Fast food companies advertise that times are tough.
—Papa John's pushes the specialty pizza.
—Consumer-generated media is not dead, thanks to Samsung.
—Bulgari wants to shine at the Breeders' Cup.
—We're loving coupons more than we used to.
—Coke turns the conventions green.

From Mediapost:

—MassMutual is so damn responsible.
—AT&T lets fans pick best college football player of the week, via texting, of course.
—Edmunds.com says August car sales won't add up to being quite as bad as it thought. Trust me, it's nothing to get too excited about.
—Nastia Liukin for Vanilla Star Jeans.
—LaDainian Tomlinson loves his Campbell's Soup.
—Target makes its site more blind-friendly.
—"90201" promo gets around.
—Those new IAB formats are said to rock.
—MediaVest starts an Impact Circle of less-than-higher-ups who get to shake the place up. Sounds like fun.
—ESPN admits it was tuned into NBC's Olympics.
—Look who wants to buy a Reed Elsevier trade pub.

From Mediaweek:

—Nielsen reveals first out-of-home TV ratings. It's about time, wouldn't you say?
—Women's Health editrix Tina Johnson is leaving the Rodale pub.
—Style.com flips on an online shopping channel.

From The New York Post:

—The TV networks don't have much to promote, but promote they are.
—Look for Nastia Liukin to score a book deal.
—The Google Chrome Web browser. Don't get that name at all.

From The New York Times:

—More on Google Chrome.
—Target to debut Manhattan "pop-up" stores.
—Google cozies up to ad agencies. Great Rob Norman quote basically saying that the death of media planners is greatly exaggerated: “I think there still may be at least one human media planner left, other than the one that pulls the handle on the Google machine.”

From The Wall Street Journal:

—Lipitor ads after the drop-kick of Robert Jarvik. Subscription required.
—Wilmington, North Carolina first city to go totally digital. Subscription required.

OK, have a good one. Sorry the summer's over, but it's beyond even my formidable blogging powers to change that sad fact.